I Need Blue
I turned around to see a masked man pointing a gun at me. It was just the beginning of a series of events, including robbery and abduction, which changed my life forever. I Need Blue, hosted by Jen Lee, is a podcast series featuring lived-experiences from survivors of life events. I NEED BLUE creates space for survivors of trauma to feel they BELONG, are LOVED, UNDERSTOOD and EMPOWERED! I called 9-1-1 and they provided me with life-saving directions to help my customer who was having a medical emergency. Law enforcement rescued us and caught the robber. Our first-responders face unique traumas every day. I NEED BLUE provides space for them too!
I Need Blue
S2 Ep 27 Donna Bollinger: From Waves of Doubt to Waves of Hope
Donna Bollinger, a former record-breaking swimmer and NFL wife, shares her journey of overcoming life's toughest challenges. From navigating an impending divorce to personal tragedies, Donna's unwavering positivity and faith remind us that "something good is going to come out of this." Tune in for an inspiring episode of survival, determination, and the power of keeping your heart warm through life's storms.
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Purchase my book or Audiobook: Why I Survived: How Sharing My Story Helped Me Heal from Dating Abuse, Armed Robbery, Abduction, and Other Forms of Trauma by Jennifer Lee
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To find information on how to contact me, to hear other stories and find valuable resources, visit www.ineedblue.net and please as you listen. If the message moves, you share the story with friends and family. The more we share, the more we learn, the more we can help. Please note, ineadblue does contain sensitive topics which could be triggering.
[00:02:05]
Please seek help if needed. And remember, you always come first. The first time I spoke with my guests today, I couldn't help but smile. She was at an airport and I was on my way to physical therapy. We managed to connect for a few minutes and knew we needed to speak further.
[00:02:25]
Donna Bollinger is a positive powerhouse. An author, inspirational speaker, musician and event specialist, she recalls the waves which changed her life. In this episode you will hear emotions of doubt, worry, sadness, which you yourself may relate to. But I guarantee by the time we are done, Donna will turn that frown upside down. Her encouraging words infectious attitude is impactful on any survivors journey through life.
[00:03:01]
Donna, thank you for being my guest today and welcome to the I Need Blue podcast. Thank you, Jen. I'm so happy to be here with you. Absolutely. And what I'm really excited about with this episode is that it will air December 26.
[00:03:18]
So we are going to end our year on a positive note with Donna Bollinger and then we are going to go into a new year with that same positive vibe, encouraging words from you. I don't think anything else could be more perfect. So thank you. You are right on time. Thank you, Jen.
[00:03:37]
I think it was such a great coincidence that we spoke when I was getting on the plane, and I'll never forget that moment. Yeah, absolutely. Because I think we're trying to save my contact information in your phone, and you ended up dialing me a couple of times, and so I was like, who is calling me? So I called you back, and that's how we connected. Exactly.
[00:04:00]
Right when I needed to show him my boarding pass, we made it happen. And we'll just see where we go from here. Hoping that we can help a lot of people with our messages. And I've been listening to your podcast messages, and I'm just in awe of what you've been doing with your show. It's all about my guests.
[00:04:20]
What I say is my podcast would not exist if it wasn't for the strong, brave people that decide to come on and share their story. I merely provide them a place to talk. But they're the ones who take that step and share their message, so I admire all of them. Well, I have to admit to you, I do have a bit of imposter syndrome, which is very common, I learned when you write a book, for anybody out there that's listening, I hope they know that I definitely don't claim to have it all together. I think it's a strategy, and that's what I want to share with you today, is my strategy for holding it together.
[00:05:00]
Yeah, I was going to ask you, what is imposter syndrome? Because honestly, I never heard what that is. So maybe you could explain. Oh, you haven't? I haven't.
[00:05:10]
Well, when I was writing my book, I signed up for a course for writing a book, and we were in group studies and we took classes. They talked about imposter syndrome, and thank God they did, because when you're writing a book, a lot of times you think to yourself, who in the world is going to read what I have to say? It's our mind. It does that to us. Some people call it the monkey mind, that it constantly tries to get in our way and shut us down and tell us we're not worthy.
[00:05:41]
They came up with a term for it called the imposter syndrome. It takes a lot of courage to get a story out to anybody that writes a book. You really have to acknowledge their courage and what they went through, even to get that on paper, because at night you're just haunted thinking, I'm not good enough to do this. Thank you for sharing that. I am in the process of writing a book as well, and one of them is a story that I have not told on my podcast of dating abuse.
[00:06:09]
I purposely decided not to tell it on my podcast and instead to put it in print form. But as I wrote that, there were things going through my mind of who wants to read this? But also I'm putting myself out there in a new way. So I completely get the emotional thoughts that go through the head. Right.
[00:06:30]
One of the first things you put in your book, especially these days, where everybody leaves their comments and they review it and they'll leave you 12345 stars, you say, this is who this book is for, and this is who this book is not for. And you put that at the very beginning. And same thing with social media. You're putting yourself out there. So make sure you say, this is for people that want to have a happy ending and finish strong.
[00:07:00]
This isn't for people that want to judge and look for the bad in every situation. I love that. I know my podcasts on Apple podcasts, you get rated, right? And I think I have 16 reviews, but I have two one stars. And I was like, oh, man, how did that happen?
[00:07:17]
Right? But as quickly as that thought entered my mind, I was like, you know what? It's not for everyone. And that's okay. Exactly.
[00:07:25]
Yeah. And that is absolutely okay, because in my mind, I know it's helping someone. And those one stars, they're helpful because they help you to realize, well, I got to be tough to do this endeavor because if it was all easy and everybody loved me, then I wouldn't be learning and growing. Absolutely. We all have a right to our opinion, and I respect whatever it is.
[00:07:50]
It's interesting. I read a book to prepare for this interview with you, and it's by Malcolm Gladwell called Talking to Strangers in Society Today. They're really trying to polarize us. I don't claim to be political whatsoever, and I don't have all the answers, but I do know that if we keep getting divided and divided and divided, then we're going to just be getting worse and worse and worse. My goal is to bring us together, understand both sides.
[00:08:21]
So if you get a bad review, instead of saying, well, they're just wrong, or maybe they're right, just understanding, we need to understand each other to come together. Absolutely. I have a few years of sales experience and lots of retail experience. Everything I did out with the general public, and so I learned a lot about body language, and sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it and things, the importance of communication, things like that. One thing I found is we have forgotten how to listen.
[00:08:53]
I used to say, I love controversial, stimulating conversation and not to debate. I wasn't a debater. Right. I just wanted to learn. I wanted to share my message, my thoughts, and maybe somebody would be like, wow, that's really cool.
[00:09:08]
I didn't think of it that way. But then I wanted to learn from whatever your thoughts or opinions or whatever were as well, because maybe you could help me see something as well and broaden my horizons in my perspective. But finding individuals who are comfortable listening nowadays has been a challenge, and then you shut yourself off. Right. You don't want to take the chance of starting conversation.
[00:09:34]
I'm curious if you kind of have experienced the same thing. Oh, absolutely. You have to listen to me. This is how we get to know each other. I really love when people are comfortable talking about their childhood, because I think that sometimes things happen in our childhood that traumas we went through that are either undiagnosed or untreated, that lead us to different behaviors into adulthood that maybe we don't understand.
[00:10:01]
But can you share some of your childhood memories that then relate to your story into adulthood? Absolutely. In my book, I write about my dad, and I just love my dad dearly. I would say to him, if I was in a good mood, oh, dad, I'm in the bright life today. But then if I was down, I felt good that I could go to him and say, I'm feeling in the dark life.
[00:10:27]
Even as a child, I recognized mood swings, and a lot of people have that. If my daughter drank orange juice, she became like a monster. I had to recognize, oh, it's something about that sugar. It puts her in a real slump. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist.
[00:10:45]
Even when I studied that in college, I didn't like it because I became a hypochondriac. My whole family is football players. My dad played football at Penn State, so I grew up going to football games, and that was always put me in the bright life, you know, the energy of the football stadium. And we were in Pennsylvania, so it was a wonderful fall feeling. I'm the middle child.
[00:11:09]
I have an older brother and a younger brother. They were football players, so I loved cheering for them. We got so close, just those funful days at the football games. I became a swimmer. I was very good when I was young, like breaking national records.
[00:11:24]
By the time I was ten, I broke two national records, so I peaked early. But then I developed, and when you develop and you're not as streamlined, it's kind of like you're fighting a losing battle. And so I got into other activities, and it was a whole new world for me. I wound up going to University of North Carolina and met a wide variety of people. But of course, I settled on a football player because that was just the pattern.
[00:11:56]
And he was great. He's awesome, and I have the most amazing children. But I was only 22 when we got married. I don't think I really quite knew myself. I was on autopilot once.
[00:12:08]
I had my kids because it took me five years and two miscarriages. I just didn't think about myself. I just was living a great, bright, happy life. We were moving all over the place, meeting new people. My ex played in the NFL, so that was fun.
[00:12:23]
I made great friends, so I definitely know the inside of that whole football scenario. And I thought, OK, well, this is just where I'm going to stay. I remember I was a cyclist at the time and I would go for a ride early in the morning and then go to the football game at Candlestick Park. And I said, what do I like better, being at the football game or being with my cyclist friends? And at that time I'm like, I like the football game.
[00:12:47]
So I kind of gave up on my athletic career and threw myself into wife and then mothering. And we were not really working on our relationship, on our listening skills because we got too busy with the kids. Learn to communicate authentically, deeply, fully. And I always tell the truth because I'm OCD obsessive compulsive disorder. And one of the traits of that is just being honest to a fault.
[00:13:16]
So you grew up in a football family, which is exciting. I went to a few Michigan State Penn State games myself, so that was awesome. But you weren't raised to be independent? Oh, no, no, not at all. I don't regret to this day because I wanted to be at home with my kids.
[00:13:33]
I wanted to raise them. And I always moved. If I want to follow my dreams right now, where I am at life at 54 have to believe that I can still become independent. I have to trust God, trust my higher power. I've learned to give up a lot of things, like all the material things in life that I thought were so important when I was young.
[00:13:53]
The nicest of everything is not really what my heart desires anymore, what I desire more than anything, because I've had to go through the painful situation of a broken family. And now when I recognize other painful situations when things don't work out the way you want them to, I've had to learn. Maybe that's really not what makes a person happy. Is everything being perfect. What makes us happy is learning and painting a better picture.
[00:14:20]
What was the first thing that you did to be like, I'm going to be independent, this is what I'm going to do to begin that cycle? Well, I just remember going to the bank after. I mean, I'm very good with numbers and accounting, but I remember I did somehow bounce a check because everything, you know, is very turbulent when people are splitting. I went to the bank and learned how to do online banking and set that up. Now I'm just such a whiz at it.
[00:14:50]
But I remember just feeling so rattled to get the addresses correct, everything correct, to learn something new, it is stressful. But then once you've learned, gosh, it's just so empowering. I actually wound up buying a house. It was just the perfect house for my kids and all the wonderful things that I learned there. I showed my kids how to get their own bank accounts and they're extremely independent.
[00:15:17]
Tell me about your grandma. Okay, well, I have two wonderful grandmother. They used to love hearing my stories, and they'd always laugh and tell me I'm a good storyteller. But my grandmother was a warrior. She just worried, and she was obsessively, clean, bright, life.
[00:15:35]
And I'm a lot like her. My grandmother would worry, and she would tell my mother her worries, and then my mom would tell me all those worries, and then, guess what? I thought I could fix everything. When people want to vent, and if they're in a bad mood and they share with you, just listen. All you have to do is listen.
[00:15:58]
You don't have to jump into action immediately. You just listen. Let them get it off their chest and always say, something good is going to come out of this. Something good. Instead of going down this panic, go down the road of, okay, let's look for what we're supposed to learn in this.
[00:16:18]
I want to break that pattern that could pass down to my kids. I don't want them to be warriors that panic. My mom is awesome. She got a Congressional Award for being an inspirational speaker. But definitely if she ever shared her concerns with me, I thought I had to be the one to fix it, and that got me into trouble.
[00:16:38]
So I'm sort of trying to equate what I've learned in my family situation to how can the world, how can we get along and break these patterns of fear? It's fear instead of faith. Just listen. You don't have to fix the problem. You don't have to absorb the problem.
[00:17:00]
Just simply listen. And that is such an important message. I have been a good listener to my mom and others. I recognize when she does something, I say to myself, oh, that's what I do. I recognize that behavior.
[00:17:20]
Not to put anybody down, but that's something that I want to change for future generations. I get why she's behaving that way. I get why my grandmother had fear. Her dad died at a young age. I just think we can't change anything if we don't have faith, because it's the fear that drives these behaviors, and that's what I experienced.
[00:17:46]
I think that's a very honest omission about your mom and recognizing, oh, this is why she does that. This is why I do it, and this is how I'm going to break the pattern and take that and just really turn it into something positive. That's why I call it break the grip, because it's a term. Break the grip of the rip. I call it break that grip.
[00:18:10]
That grip. We all have our individual things that keep us small. We have to recognize. A lot of times it's fear, but what's the behavior that's coming from the fear and then turn it around to faith and see a happy ending. And as humans, we don't take time to step back and say, oh, I just went through this really horrible thing.
[00:18:33]
What positive came from that? You know what I'm saying? Like, we don't do that. And there were times when I was like, well, I have no idea what positive came from that. So it's very much how you look at it.
[00:18:44]
I read a book called The Writings of Florence Cheval Shin. She's a metaphysicist. And that is where I learned the difference between the opposite of faith is fear, and the opposite of fear is faith, and about having active faith versus just this expectation that God's going to come in and fix everything. For example, if you need a new job or you're looking for a job, you have to put your resume together and put it out there. God wants to see that you're digging your ditches is what I call it.
[00:19:14]
That. Yes. I'm ready, Lord. I'm doing the work. My eyes are open, my ears are open.
[00:19:20]
I know that there's something out there for me, and I'm present, and I want to recognize when that position comes to me. You're 22, you're married, you have four kids and four years within your marriage. I know you loved being a mom. You considered it to be an honor. But then you find yourself now going through a divorce.
[00:19:43]
You felt like divorce would never happen to you. It kind of really caught you off guard, and there's many people that feel the same way you do. Can you share that moment? We moved back to Florida, and I'm thinking, I can save this. I used to say, I'm not fighting with somebody.
[00:20:02]
I'm fighting for our family. I just wanted to get right back to what I thought was the bright, happy life. Not considering that there's other people, I would say I didn't have a whole lot of empathy for others, especially they got divorced. Now I'm that person, but I don't see it as a negative anymore. I feel like now it's something I can help others with.
[00:20:31]
During this time that we're going through the divorce, I'm by myself with my kids at our family reunion at the beach, my son and my nephew and another girl that was with us were playing on the sandbar. And then before you know it, they were really out far, and I wasn't even paying attention. We were all just talking on the beach because it went from calm to turbulent, and somebody said, Are those our kids out there? And I saw them out there, and I was like, oh, my gosh. I mean, things went from calm to turbulent, and they didn't know what to do, and they panic.
[00:21:05]
I started swimming out there, and thank goodness I was a good swimmer. I just put my head down and I said, God, please keep them up. Just keep them up, keep them up. So I got to Michael, my nephew and the other girl, and they were older, and Jen was further out. So he said, Go get Jen.
[00:21:21]
So I went and got Jen, and he sort of just went limp in my arm. Thank God you're here. And then I went and got the other two. I said, I know there's a strategy, but I don't trust that strategy. I'm going to get right back to shore.
[00:21:36]
And in my mind, I kept hearing, trust, allow, swim parallel. But I was like, no, I can do this. I can do this. And I'd throw them up. And then I would go under and I'd throw them up.
[00:21:47]
And I felt the salt water just rushing, it felt like, to my brain. And in my mind, I said, this is how people drowned. We did make it in. My brother, who's a big guy, came in and tugged us all in, like, just in one swoop. But it was after a long time of me fighting to get us back.
[00:22:06]
And I don't think people realize how hard you're trying when people are on the shore, they don't recognize the distress that you're in. And this is an analogy to life, too. I'm like, Why is somebody not getting a lifeguard, but you're too exhausted to even ask? We survived. And when people say, what is your defining moment in life?
[00:22:31]
It was that rip current, because at the same time, I was going through the divorce, and God just had something that he wanted to hammer home to me, which he did. And this is what I want to share with the world, these two messages, because I feel like they can help. Something's got to change. You have got to stop fighting. Stop fighting.
[00:22:56]
My plan. I have a plan for your life. And you've always said you want to be used for something great. I have to trust. I went through the lifeguard training after that because I didn't want to ever be in that situation again.
[00:23:14]
We were moving back to Florida on the beach, and as I was going through the lifeguard training is when I started to have all these epiphanies. Like, some of the most beautiful mornings are the ones where the ocean was really rough and I was scared. I didn't want to go out, but I was with season lifeguards, and they encouraged me. You can do it. You can do it.
[00:23:30]
But we had fins on Finns. They give you leverage in the ocean. Like, I will not go do an ocean swim without fins. Now, Donna uses this experience in the ocean with the waves and the rip currents as an analogy for her life having to go in and literally rescue her children. And she wanted to get back to shore as quickly as she could.
[00:23:59]
It was a very hard journey for her because of the way that she was trying to do it. She panicked. But when she let go and let God, had faith, allowed herself to float, which is a very vulnerable feeling. That is when her body was allowed to come into shore, and then from there, another family member rescued you and brought you into safety. I was sitting here thinking, for me, the ocean, I'm not a strong swimmer.
[00:24:27]
Comes to the ocean, I go in, maybe up to my knees or mid thigh, because I do like to be in the water. But if that current gets me and takes me out, because sometimes it's powerful and you will lose your balance, once it takes me out, that's it. I get back in, and then I am out. I do not go back in the water. It scares me.
[00:24:47]
So I understand that fear of being, you don't have control. Donna, it was important to you that others not feel that lack of control in the water. What have you done to help others? Started a Junior Lifeguard Program, and people say, Donna, why do you go and do all this? Like, I did a lot of it for free, like big Ocean Safety Days.
[00:25:13]
And they're like, Why don't you charge more? And I'm like, well, because I have my son. There are people that don't I've heard so many people that now have drowned because they panic. And they do try to swim parallel sometimes, and they don't sometimes you can't get out going parallel. It depends on the situation.
[00:25:36]
Then you have to allow you just have to allow your body to float and trust that the waves will start coming. People are the waves. They're going to start coming. They're going to notice. So I have been working on break that grip and CPR starts with heart.
[00:25:51]
For about nine or ten years, I've been running the Ocean Safety Day, the Junior Lifeguard Program, teaching CPR, and even turned my messages into rap songs that were fun for kids. I sort of shelved my passion for sharing this, because I thought, well, it's too elementary, you know, and I'm feeling the pressures. I gotta get a normal job. I got to sell real estate, become a flight attendant and just survive. I'm an imposter.
[00:26:21]
That's what I thought. I'm just an imposter, and people don't need to hear this. But then this is ten years after that initial incident in the ocean. We were at the same beach because they have really bad rip currents there in Emerald Isle, North Carolina. It's a beautiful place, but I actually know some people that have drowned there.
[00:26:43]
My brother was caught in a rip current, and I saw them all out really far, and I thought, oh, man, I'm frustrated. Why do you take him out so far? So I ran to my bag and grabbed my fins, right? Because I I just figure they're just having a good time swimming out there. So I'm like but I'm not going without my fins.
[00:27:02]
So when I get out there, my nephew yells to me, Get my dad. And this is the same brother who saved me ten years earlier. They had gotten caught in a rip current, a whole group of them, and he was pulling them all in. So by the time I got to him, he could not move. And I said, okay, I've got you.
[00:27:23]
And I said, I have my fins on. And I tried. I said, okay, go parallel, go parallel, go parallel. But we could not get out going parallel. And every time I looked around, like, back to the shore, we were further out.
[00:27:38]
Like, the houses were getting smaller and smaller, and I'm like, Holy cow. And I could panic, or I could flip that switch and say, okay, Donna, this is time to practice what you preach. Thank God he just stayed completely still so I could hold on to him with one arm and paddle with my left arm. I just said, I'm not going to look back anymore, because it's making me panic, trying to get back that we're further out. I'm going to trust I'm going to allow this, because this is what they say.
[00:28:10]
If you can't get outgoing parallel, allow the current to take you because it will disperse. If you can't get out going to the sides, it will give. And this is exactly what happened to us. We went further out, then it gave, and then and I said, okay, we're going to catch away. If I kept saying to my brother, we're going to catch away.
[00:28:30]
We're going to catch away. Instead of panicking, I was starting to think, oh, my gosh, we're so far out. There sharks out here. And I was praying. I said, Please, I see myself back on shore.
[00:28:39]
I see us back on shore. And I just held that in my mind. Eventually, lifeguard came, and she came out with a float. So he was able to grab onto the float, and then she swam, and I kicked with my fins. And we got back, the paramedics were there, and they were given Steve oxygen.
[00:29:00]
My brother, my other brother said to paramedics, you don't have to worry. His wife is a doctor. Well, with that, she had come over to me, and she just kind of collapsed in my arms, saying, you are so brave, you are so brave. But it's not that I was brave at all. I had to constantly when I was out there, sing that song in my mind.
[00:29:22]
Don't give up on me, I won't give up all on you. So it's like all this preparation that I thought was taking me nowhere, it actually saved us both that day because I was able to relax and let the waves come and work on my mind out there. Even if a fin had come off my foot, the most important equipment that I needed was a good mindset. You know, they have that same sink or swim, right? Right.
[00:29:52]
And we all say we want to swim. We're here today because at some point in our life, or several times, we decided to swim. Whether it. Was in the ocean in your instance or just in life. And it does take a lot of strength in our mind.
[00:30:08]
I always say our mind is more powerful than we will ever, ever realize. Exactly. And a lot of people talk about the law of attraction, and I've studied a little bit of that, and that almost made me want to just give up. I don't want to talk about the ocean anymore. I don't want to talk about rip currents, because I'm just attracting it to my life.
[00:30:28]
But that's fear. I know that I can help people as a lifeguard where they put you in a rip current and they say, okay, now swim parallel. And it's easy. It's like, oh, my gosh, that's all it took. So that's when my divorce proceedings started to improve, when I stopped fighting it and said, okay, Donna, allow this process to take place.
[00:30:52]
You're wearing yourself out. I could say, Well, I'm a failure because I didn't follow the pattern that my brothers did with 30 plus year marriages. Or I could say, you know what? I had a great childhood. My marriage might not have worked out, but now we have this even greater extended family, and we've learned empathy.
[00:31:12]
And I'm not that perfect person with a perfect family. I want to help others. There's so many in this world that they look at social media and they think, oh, my life is nothing compared to those people. Part of my current strategy is you have to see yourself back on shore if you can't get out going parallel, because I wanted to get right back. I needed to get right back to where I came from.
[00:31:40]
I want to get back to that childhood, bright life. I want to get back to saving my family. But you can't get back. We're never going to get back to where we were and trying to fight to get right back to that spot with all those memories, like, oh, why can't I just get back to when I was younger? Or why can't I just get back to that situation before I made a major screw up?
[00:32:07]
No, you need to stop. Think of your thoughts. Observe where you are. Observe what you're thinking. Adjust your thinking.
[00:32:16]
And how do you adjust your thinking? With gratitude. I'm happy that I had a happy childhood. I'm happy I grew up with a football, but now I'm happy that I'm learning a whole new world. And then with the second incident with just floating, and I was like, I don't want to try to float and go out further, but I had no choice.
[00:32:35]
So now I can tell. Beachgoers if you get caught in a rip current, don't panic, because it will give, because I experienced it, and it does eventually give. And that's like when I was listening to one of your previous podcasts. It takes time to recover from traumatic experiences. So you might think you're caught in a rip current and your mind is never going to feel better again.
[00:33:03]
But just trust, allow, relax, paint a better picture. See yourself helping others. See yourself getting stronger from this situation. Don't beat yourself up and it will eventually give. And then you're going to get back to short.
[00:33:19]
It might not be from where you started, but you're going to be somewhere else and that's where God wants you. This is a very important lesson that I learned, and I'm still learning is we were teaching CPR to the kids for the junior lifeguard program and I had to go in to get recertified because it had changed. It was two breaths, 30 compression, two breaths, 30 compressions. And they said, no, the compressions are going to come first because that's the most important thing. That's where I came up with CPR starts with a heart.
[00:33:54]
Because as I was sitting in this recertification class learning CPR for the 25th time, somebody asked, what if you break a rib? What if you break the rib? She goes, well, I got news for you. If their heart has stopped pumping, they're dead. So they're not going to know and they're not going to care.
[00:34:14]
They're just going to be happy that you revive them. You brought them back to life. And there's these good Samaritan laws that you have to learn about. I am pretty creative. So right then and there, it all came to me.
[00:34:25]
The CPR wrap, do you want to hear it now? I do. Okay. CPR starts with a heart. You ain't getting anywhere without that part.
[00:34:34]
If you see someone and they're looking like they're dead, you'll be happy with this wrapping what you're putting in your head. Stop, look. Assess a situation. The last thing you need is another complication. If the scene is safe, you are all nutcase.
[00:34:47]
Trust your skills. There is no type of waste. The quicker you respond, the better their chance. Get your hands in position. Make them dance.
[00:34:54]
Fill them out with blood and push it to the brain. Oxygen is what we need in order to sustain. The blood carries oxygen. The heart pumps it through. So make sure to fill her up and believe in what you do.
[00:35:04]
Do what you can. Lose count. Keep compressing. Saving someone's life is the greatest of all blessings and that's how simple it is. You can do it.
[00:35:13]
Wow, that's great. That's where my rise message was born. Before you respond to anybody, including yourself, right? Because we can really bully ourselves inhale I'm taking that pause. Stay warm.
[00:35:29]
You've got to keep your heart warm. And that is the most important step in this, if you ask me. Because if you come across a victim that needs CPR, if they're cold, they're going to be a lot harder to revive than when they're warm. So that's just like a relationship. If we turn cold to ourselves or others, it's going to be a lot harder to resuscitate, to revise, and then exhale and say what you need to say.
[00:35:57]
So that's the rise. R-I-S-E but I had a problem with the s. Stay warm. I read every book, like how to forgive, how to move on, how to do this, how to do that. But I was still you know how you get angrier than you want to in situations and you say, gosh, why did I let my ego take charge again?
[00:36:18]
Because I wasn't loving myself. I wasn't taking time to recognize my worth. I was just listening to what everybody else had to say. I'm different. I'm breaking the mold of career paths in my family.
[00:36:34]
You know, I'm dating someone other than a big, strong football player. Now, this is where I have to recognize myself and not do everything just to please everybody else, which is great to do, but if you don't take time, even like they say in an airplane, if you don't put your mask on first, you're not going to be any good to anybody else. I wasn't taking the time to work on myself ever. Like, I thought, no, I'm perfect. We're perfect.
[00:37:04]
I don't need that selfhelp stuff. Or I'm, you know, faith that's, you know, for people that are weak, well, that's not the case. And I needed it. And that's the step in the CPR wrap. I say, Stop, look, assess the situation, because the last thing you need is another complication.
[00:37:26]
Adjust my thinking. I don't want to make it worse. I want to make it better. Assess the situation, Donna. Just let it go and trust that when you have this good, warm feeling in your heart, you're going to be able to say what you need to say with so much more effectively.
[00:37:49]
But this is the most important thing. If you mess up, which we all do, give yourself grace. I'm happy that I'm learning a whole new world. Sometimes I think we find it more comfortable helping others, because it's a distraction from having to actually look into ourselves and really assess what's wrong, like, what do I need to fix? What are my hurts?
[00:38:16]
What are my negative emotions that I need to work through? And have you found that at times in your life where it was easier for you to be like the helper versus the healthy? Yeah. Especially when you're younger, because you have more energy. But as you get older and you don't have the energy that you used to have, it's important that you take the time to revive yourself, because then you will be no good to anyone else.
[00:38:45]
I was starting to see my daughters be the people pleasers that I was, and I want them to please people, but not at their expense. Over and over and over. So I can't really tell them this. I have to show them this, how to follow a calling. I'm showing them how to pursue a dream.
[00:39:06]
I'm showing them how to get out of something if it's not right and you know it's not right, you've got to just go on a different path. I like sharing these messages with any age, but it's great for kids because seven years old, they say you're programmed and you can't change much after your seven years of development. But what you can change is the way you think about things, appreciate who you are, do your own thinking. Because in today's society, with the news, they are just instilling fear left and right, I think, and we have to understand to turn it off. Absolutely.
[00:39:54]
And social media as well. You got to limit that. Exactly. And that's why we have our podcast, right? So that other people can share their real life experiences.
[00:40:05]
And here's what worked for them, because not the same thing works for everybody. There's not a one stop shop of here's the answer. Everybody learns differently. Everybody's situations are different. Everybody automatically reacts different.
[00:40:21]
So you're providing them with a really essential tool. You've mentioned a few times saying something positive to yourself. Is there one particular affirmation that you could share that you have found has been most impactful in your life? Yes. I just always say something good is going to come out of this.
[00:40:44]
Something good is going to come out of this. Always. Always what you focus on will happen eventually. They call it your reticular activating system. You start looking for the good that's going to come out of it instead of looking for the bad.
[00:41:02]
Because where is that going to get us? Right? Nowhere. And so if you put this on a big broad scale with everything going on in the world, there are terrible things that have happened. Terrible like 911.
[00:41:17]
But if we just go in a negative tail spin, we're going under. But if we say, okay, although it's horrendous something good, we're going to make something good come out of this. Yeah. And I think that it's really important to note that there are lots of people who are not able to take those steps on their own. And that it is okay to ask for help, whether it be from a friend or a family, someone who you trust and who validates your feelings, a therapist.
[00:41:49]
There are lots of national hotlines out there for suicide, domestic violence, human trafficking. It doesn't matter what it is, there is help out there for you. Because if you can't do it on your own, doesn't make you a failure. It's just you need a little bit of extra support to get you started and on your journey. But help is there.
[00:42:11]
Help is always there. And then you have to recognize that help when it comes. Right. When I was feeling a little hopeless and down yesterday, the doorbell rang. So I went to the door and it was the neighbor across the street bringing some stuff from their garden and literally to me.
[00:42:34]
It just made me feel so good because you just feel sometimes despair, like, nothing is going to bring me out of this slump. But recognize, you have to be aware and recognize what's happening around you. And eventually you might see somebody that needs a helping hand or a smile. So get out of that despair mindset. I just told her there were two bags of jalapeno peppers, and I said, you have no idea how this helped me today.
[00:43:05]
It's just a small act from her, but it came at the perfect time. Absolutely. And sometimes just smiling in our energy can brighten up somebody else. I'll never forget the day I walked into public and I was just smiling, and some guy looked at me as he was walking by. He was like, I love that smile.
[00:43:25]
So I smiled even brighter. I was like, wow. I was like, All I did is smile. But somebody noticed, and it was free with no effort on my part, but somebody noticed, and it made him smile as he walked by. And you probably were smiling because you did something that you felt good about.
[00:43:44]
So you walk in those doors and you're feeling good, and that's contagious. So my goal is to just spread that bright light, shed light on things, one person at a time. One person at a time. You are so right. Now, let me ask you, Donna, you're author your motivational speaker or podcaster.
[00:44:05]
What are your hobbies? Okay, well, my hobbies thank goodness I've learned to play the guitar. If I'm feeling down like that lull in the day, all I have to think about is that, well, I can play my guitar tonight. I just love being able to learn about music, and I did that so late in life, but just getting better and better. Like when I first started, of course I was really frustrated.
[00:44:33]
But now the chords are coming together. I can do the transitions. I found a wonderful app that teaches you on the iPad. And I also was a spectator for a lot of my life. Remember I told you when I said, what would I rather do, ride my bike or be at this football game?
[00:44:51]
And I was a football game. I realized ever since that point in time, I became a spectator. Nothing wrong with being a spectator. But I decided now I've got to live my life and get involved, play my guitar, sing, go to open mics. I did karaoke.
[00:45:07]
I started singing at an assisted living facility. Thinking of my grandmother that I love so much, actually sang where she was a resident. And we were just doing the old hymns because they asked, can you guys do a hymn sing? Definitely. I got that.
[00:45:21]
And then some of the residents were falling asleep. They were a little bored, and every time we did a sing along, they would come alive. So I made a whole booklet of singalong songs that I take with me because of my wife's down every time they are just coming alive, singing along and every song has a message. Like we've been singing my country tissue thee. I used to sing that but I never paid attention to the words.
[00:45:51]
This whole group, maybe 40 assisted living residents, we were all singing My Country Tis of Thee. Some in harmony, some not. But the energy of that room, it gave me the goose bumps. And I said, you know what, if this is all I do for the rest of my life, I'll be happy. While you are making a difference.
[00:46:16]
I love that. And our senior population, they're so special and the reality is we are all going to be there one day. So thank you for what you do. Tell us about your book, how do we find it? And social media links and I will put all of that in the show notes.
[00:46:32]
You can find my book on my website, dongbolinger.com. I have written a couple of blogs. This book I wrote, Break That Grip after that second Incident in the ocean, I had the first chapter pretty much written for about ten years and I had my source strategy, but after that second occurrence, I felt, okay, I'm not an imposter anymore. I definitely can help people with my message. So this is on Amazon, break that Grip lessons from the Ocean of Life.
[00:47:06]
And I have my wraps in there and a lot of great stories. Every chapter I have your turn to. Soar and then I give prompts, your turn to rise, your turn to rap. And I leave spaces for people to put their story in there and then at the very end I put this is your turn to write your story. And I left a bunch of blank pages, so write the story that you want to see.
[00:47:35]
Along with that, I published that grip action journal, which is just basically the same questions in the book, but I put it into a colorful journal with more space for people to write. So actually getting the thoughts out of your head, getting them onto paper and seeing how that makes a difference in your life and your website, Donnabollinger.com? Yeah, it's on my website. Thank you, Jen. I'm so happy.
[00:48:04]
Yes, you're so welcome. Like I said in the introduction, we will turn that frown upside down and find all those sad situations and we'll find the positive in them. And I think that our conversation today will help a lot of people keep smiling. It's beautiful and laughing. I love it.
[00:48:24]
This is Jen Lee, creator and host of I Need Blue Podcast. You can find all of my episodes, resources, photos, all kinds of fun things on my website, www eyed blue.net. And remember, you are stronger than you think.
