I Need Blue
I turned around to see a masked man pointing a gun at me. It was just the beginning of a series of events, including robbery and abduction, which changed my life forever. I Need Blue, hosted by Jen Lee, is a podcast series featuring lived-experiences from survivors of life events. I NEED BLUE creates space for survivors of trauma to feel they BELONG, are LOVED, UNDERSTOOD and EMPOWERED! I called 9-1-1 and they provided me with life-saving directions to help my customer who was having a medical emergency. Law enforcement rescued us and caught the robber. Our first-responders face unique traumas every day. I NEED BLUE provides space for them too!
I Need Blue
A Mother's Journey: Grief, Hope, and Advocacy after a Son's Tragedy
As we open our hearts to life's stories, Alexis shares a tale both devastating and inspiring. She bravely navigates the grief following her son's murder, emphasizing the role of family in rebuilding shattered lives.
Through her journey, we confront the harsh realities of homelessness and domestic violence, highlighting the need for societal change.
Alexis's resilience and advocacy offer hope amidst sorrow, showcasing the power of storytelling as a healing force. Her pursuit of a journalism degree underscores the strength found in sharing our stories with the world.
Connect with Alexis:
alexisanicque@gmail.com
alexisanicque.com
Connect with Jen:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ineedbluepodcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/needbluepodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp1q8SfA_hEXRJ4EaizlW8Q
Website: https://ineedblue.net/
The background music is written, performed and produced exclusively by Char Good.
https://chargood.com/home
Everyone has a story. They just don't always have a place to share it. Music. Welcome to the. I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2:This is Shar Good, and I am honored to introduce Jennifer Lee, author, life coach and host of today's show on the I Need Blue podcast MUSIC.
Speaker 1:Thank you for that warm introduction, shar, and welcome to I Need Blue, the podcast about to take you on an extraordinary journey where profound narratives come to life, one captivating episode at a time. I'm your host, jennifer Lee, and I founded this podcast because I know there is healing and sharing. Each story you will hear shared on this podcast is a testament to our collective strength, innate ability to transform in the incredible power of healing. Please remember you are never alone. Please visit and share my website with those seeking connection and inspiration wwwineedbluenet. Thank you, shar Good, for composing and performing the introduction medley for I Need Blue. You can find information about Shar on her website, wwwshargoodcom.
Speaker 1:Before starting today's episode, I must provide a trigger warning. I Need Blue features graphic themes, including, but not limited to, violence, abuse and murder, and may not be suitable for all listeners. Please take care of yourself and don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it. Now let's get started with today's story. You won't want to miss our guest today, alexis. Our connection was established through an author's network.
Speaker 1:Alexis has a remarkable portfolio of published books and short stories, all centered around her fascinating adventures with her husband. They delve into the realm of taking bold chances, like the moment they decided to spend their life on a sailboat. Alexis firmly believes that the circumstances you encounter ultimately shape your journey. From a harrowing car accident to battling cancer and taking on transformative work-away assignments, she's come to a profound realization Adversity often paves the way for a better path, but here's where it gets genuinely captivating. Just a month ago, alexis found her deeply held beliefs put to the test when she received an unexpected phone call bearing the devastating news of her son's murder.
Speaker 1:This is a story that hits remarkably close to home for me. Alexis and I had our first conversation a month after this heartbreaking loss, which, generally awe-inspiring, is the courage that radiates through her voice. She's here to open up and share her remarkable journey with us. We'll pay tribute to her son, as Alexis has become a powerful voice for parents who have experienced the unimaginable loss of a murdered child. What's more, her son, at the age of 32, was homeless. Alexis will shed light on the countless challenges she faced while trying to help her son, who was more concerned with helping others. Her son's selflessness might have even cost him his own life. So, without further ado, I extend my heartfelt gratitude to Alexis for being here today. I'm being my special guest on the I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2:Hi. So today's a good day, a couple months in, and I'm still here. I'm still here. I'm lost, I'm confused, I'm angry, but today's a good day. Today's the first day in a while that I haven't woke up shattered. You just never know Every day is different whether it's going to be one of those days that you realize that your child is gone and you realize there's no answers. There's no answers, and that's. I think I don't know. I say that's the hardest part. But how would I know that's the hardest part? I mean, I don't think any parent would, and I wouldn't want any parent to know how I feel right now. I don't think any parent knows how they would feel if they lost their child, let alone to such a horrific, terrible nightmare. I just want to be the voice for him. I want people to know that there's so many avenues out there that are not. The boxes aren't being checked. I don't understand. There's no way to wrap your head around this kind of loss. I mean, there's just no way.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and you and I, before I hit the record button, we were talking about today was a good day for you, and I had asked what makes it a good day, and so thank you for sharing everything that you just shared and the day that we're recording this. We're now over two months after your son's murder and you were telling me on how you know, you were texting your daughter because it's hard for her as well. It's a family that has lost a son, a brother, grandson, all of those things right. Sometimes we forget that.
Speaker 2:I am eternally grateful for my husband and my daughter. I would have never survived this, never, not. There's no way. No way I would have survived it. The day we found out, literally, my husband got me in the car and took me straight over to my daughter's and I spent the entire day holding her. So in every day, every day, I'm grateful for her. We text every day.
Speaker 2:I don't think there's a day that goes by that we don't say I love you at least 10 times, because you know, you just don't know if it's the last day. The last thing my son said to me was a text the day before he died, saying mom, I think I have a temp job tomorrow so I'm going to have to get me some pants, because all he had was shorts, you know, and I was just. It was just a random conversation and I guess I didn't see the text because I didn't respond until later and by the time I responded it was too late. But that was the last thing I talked to my son about was he needed to get some pants. I was robbed. I was completely robbed of my child, my baby and other parents that are going through this. I'm so sorry for your loss because it is heart-wrenching.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can't imagine. I'm not going to try to pretend to imagine either who received the phone call. Was it you or your husband?
Speaker 2:Well, it's kind of weird. My husband's parents they're kind of elderly, they're in their 80s, and they were at the hospital because his stepfather was having some medical issues, so he had stayed the night at the hospital, so his mom was there. Well, our permanent address is their house because we move around a lot. Actually, there was a couple of cop cars in their driveway and the neighbors called them on his cell phone and said hey, there's a bunch of cops in your driveway. I don't know what's going on. So of course they called the police department real quick and the police department said this state I'll just say that because it's still an open investigation, so I don't want to mention what state it was in this state troopers would like to speak with you. So his stepdad called us. It was like five-something in the morning and they called us and they said hey, the police from the state want to talk to you. And we were like, well, we haven't been there in a couple of months, but I don't remember if we.
Speaker 2:You know, I personally immediately knew it was my son. I did. I was like, oh my God, vince, you have to call right now. And he said well, okay, but Vince, you know, his first thought was you know, did I get a ticket? And I didn't realize it, did I? You know, whatever he's like, I would never do that, you know, I'd never be that irresponsible. But he's thinking kind of that way. He's more of a positive, you know, vibe, or something. And I said, I said it's got to do with Michael, it's, you know, it's got to do with our son. So we called the detective and the detective asked for the relationship and he said, well, I'm his father. And he said, well, I'm sorry, he was brutally attacked this morning and passed away. And just like, just like that, my world crumbled. I mean, you know, I thought, I knew it was about Michael, but I thought, oh well, you know, he's gotten to an accident, or you know, maybe he's in the hospital or maybe he got charged with something you know and he needs bail money.
Speaker 2:I mean you know, your brain just never, ever, would ever go to that place of your son was murdered. That would never happen, like it just doesn't. I think that's the biggest thing. You always see it on TV, you know, and they always say that not me, the not me syndrome. You know, like I'm not going to get cancer, well, my husband did get cancer. I'm not going to not going to get into a car accident today. Well, I rolled my car three times with my husband in it and he nearly died.
Speaker 2:So I mean, such adversity has happened in my life and every single time, although it was life-shattering at the moment, something good came later. You know, when my husband had cancer, we had to sell our boat that we loved living on. We ended up traveling and volunteering through 20 countries after that. So I mean, when we wrecked the car, we moved to the islands and lived on our boat in the Caribbean, you know. So, every life-shattering event and I'm like I'm still trying to find it, I can't this life-shattering event, I can't see anything good coming out of it I mean, maybe I can be the voice for those parents who are facing the same thing that I wake up to every day. Today was a good day because I didn't wake up with that night. Maybe it's because I slept, finally, but I didn't wake up feeling so incredibly angry and empty, which I do a lot, you know. So I have my good days, I have my bad days. It just, you know, that's life.
Speaker 1:It's a process, you're right. You receive this devastating news and then, I believe you said you went to your daughter and had to tell her and just hold her and be with her.
Speaker 2:She was already out for it. My husband said you know, maybe we should wait until she gets off work. I was like absolutely not, absolutely not, no. I said you know you need to call Joe, which is her husband. I said I'm calling Kayla right now because there you know what. I wouldn't want somebody to wait eight hours to tell me the most mind-crushing news.
Speaker 1:I mean no, were you in the same state at that time where the murder occurred.
Speaker 2:No, I had to identify my son via his tattoo. My husband's step-sister lost a child about 20 years ago and she went and viewed him and she said you'll never get the picture out of your mind. Don't go, don't go, don't do it. I wanted to get my car and drive right over. I mean, I drive cross-country a lot, it's not a big deal for me. But everybody said that's not the last thing you want to remember about your son. So I literally called the morgue and I said there's this tattoo on his ankle, please can you take a picture of it. So I know it's my son and I knew they had his fingerprints and everything. That's how I was able to identify him.
Speaker 2:I have since not gone there. I still at this time. I mean we have a lot of friends there and I'm just not ready. I'm just not ready. I have my son. I'm going to take him where he, where him and I last were the happiest, which is in the island's diving. I'm going to take my son from one last dive trip. I'm just not ready yet. I don't know when I'll be ready. I'm not ready to say goodbye. I just can't, and you know that's I think. I think everybody grieves differently. I hope. I hope I get to a point where I'm not. You know, a wreck every day, but you know who?
Speaker 1:knows that's okay. You know that's okay. One day at a time, sometimes it's an hour at a time, sometimes it's a minute at a time, absolutely Whatever you need. Now your son was homeless and we had a little bit of discussion beforehand about how that all came about. Can you share a little bit of that with us?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, first he lost his job. After he lost his job, it was during the pandemic because you know, he did a specialized skill and during the pandemic nobody wanted that specialized skill and slowly but surely the car broke down. I mean, we just we kept sending him money. It just was never enough. And his girl had gotten to an accident and she was getting hooked on whatever. And slowly but surely they they owned their mobile home but they didn't own the lot. They got behind. They ended up getting an eviction notice and he pretty much, slowly but surely, lost everything during the pandemic, lost everything. I begged him. I begged him to come here. Of course I wouldn't let her come, and just is what it is. I found him a few jobs where he would have a place to live, but all of them knew Michael. I wouldn't allow her to come because they were toxic. They were toxic. She'd been arrested for domestic abuse against him. I mean just back and forth. They were completely toxic together and it was an ongoing thing for eight years. We would go visit, they would be texting each other under the table while staring each other down. It was just constant. It was just constant. So they lost everything and they ended up on the streets, they got a tent and they're in the encampment with all the other.
Speaker 2:There's a lot of homeless in that area, there's a lot of homeless everywhere. And I begged him, I begged him, but I sent him money, I mean every three days. You know, mom, can I money? Mom, can I money? And you know, it wasn't until after he died that I really think I realized his situation.
Speaker 2:There's a homeless gentleman not far from where I'm at and I always. You know, he has a dog that looked exactly like my son's dog and I was talking to him about it one day and then the next time I saw him, my son's dog had gotten hit by a car and he was really struggling and we talked about that. And then, shortly thereafter, I said, you know, I lost my son recently and I'm worried for you, you know. And I said, just be careful. And he said to me you know, the thing is is if you get an eviction, you can't get an apartment or a place to live. He's like, if you can't get a place to live, you can't get a job. And he's like it's this never ending homeless circle. And he's like, once you start to get somewhere one of the other homeless people might mug you or steal from you in your sleep. And all those times of my sons and moms, somebody stole all my clothes out of my tent today while I was, you know, working. Because he worked temp jobs, because they were the only ones that would hire him the daily pay type of jobs.
Speaker 2:It wasn't until I talked to this complete stranger that I really realized that. You know, how do the homeless, how do they fix their problems? They can't get a job, they can't get a place to live. It's terrible to me that, even though I did everything I don't know if I did everything I guilt myself on a daily basis about what maybe I should have drove over there and grabbed him, you know.
Speaker 2:But every day I wonder how do they go forward? How do they go forward when every single step they take forward there's an obstacle, you know there's no place to go, no one will give them a job, no one will give them a home, you know. And they're forced to panhandle just to try and get enough food to eat the next day. But there's so many out there that aren't really homeless, you know, that are just doing it to get a free ride. So there's so much skepticism so nobody wants to help them. I mean, it's literally a horrible circle, this horrible, terrible, awful circle that my son was caught up in and lost his life, and I still don't know why. I still don't know why. I have no idea.
Speaker 1:So I think you shed a lot of light on an epidemic that's going on, like you said, in every city within the United States. I think there's this perception of, oh, they want to be homeless, they want to have that free ride. There are some sort of addiction going on, absolutely. But you just shed the light on this cycle of once you get evicted, then how do you find a home? And without a home, how do you get a job? I think that's something people don't think about and don't realize, because not everybody out there is choosing to be homeless.
Speaker 2:He said he wanted out. But my son had such a big heart and he said I just can't leave her, knowing she'll have nothing, knowing she doesn't have a job, she's not able to work. I can't leave her, you know, because how will she be okay. I can't leave her not knowing she's okay, because I feel responsible for her.
Speaker 1:Your son was in a domestic violence situation makes it even harder, doubly hard for you, because not only are you trying to help your son, who's homeless, you're also recognizing that he's a victim from this woman who says she loves him. Do you think she felt that same level of responsibility for your son?
Speaker 2:Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:No, has there been any communication? Has she tried to reach out to you at all since?
Speaker 2:his murder. We text back and forth. The first couple of days she gave me her number at her mom's house. Ironically, she has a warm place to sleep and a food in her stomach and everything is wonderful in her land. She wanted to tell me what happened and I said you know, I can't hear your voice. I just can't hear your voice. I said, you know, just give me the rundown. You know I mean, and she messaged me a small little snippet of what her story is and you know, I don't believe her. I just don't believe her. I don't believe she wasn't awake, I don't believe that she would let Michael that far away from her. She was controlling, she was insecure and you know she left him several times, she cheated on him. I mean, the story is endless. And why didn't she just stay gone? Because if she just stayed gone my son would still be alive and I truly believe that in my heart.
Speaker 2:I also have days where I'm like why didn't I just go there and be like, confront him and say, listen, because my son was very proud and I'm sure that he felt ashamed and he had, I had sent, we'd sent him thousands of dollars and I'm sure he every time that. You know, it took a great amount of strength for him just to message me and say mom, is there any way you can send me $10? So I can do laundry and get a sandwich. I'm grateful. The last time he asked me for some money, I was actually out of the country and I quickly paid pal them 20 bucks. He's like, mom, I just need $10. I paid pal them 20 bucks. I'm grateful that I did it because there was, you know, it was a crap shoot at the end, you know, of whether or not I was going to agree to send him money, because it got to the point where it's every day or every other day, and so at some point in time I kind of had to put my foot down and now I hate myself for that. You know, five years ago he had a business, he had a full time job, he had his own home, a car, a truck, a boat. Five years ago, three years ago, it all started to go. Three and a half, it all started to go away, and now he's gone.
Speaker 2:There was a girl the other day that I was talking to and she was complaining compulsively about her child and I don't remember what she was complaining about. And I said I said you know, I was you, like three months ago, complaining about my kid because I couldn't help him. And I was, I wanted to help him but I couldn't keep sending him $100, $20, $50, whatever the case may be. And I said you know, I said just understand that at some point in time, you know, you're going to have to make a decision and that decision is greatly going to impact your life because it's either going to have to be like we're going to have to sort this out together. Right now you just have to do it, be firm.
Speaker 2:I said don't walk away from it, because the reality is, at some point in time you may not have your child anymore and it could be just because the child got angry and walked away, or your child doesn't live anymore. And I said and I hope that you know you just don't let it get to that point. You just have to sit down and say listen, how can we fix this problem? You know, if your kid needs help, find a way to help him. It doesn't necessarily have to be a dollar bill. I wish I had. I wish I had gone there. How can we solve this problem? Because I didn't do that. I kept begging him to come to me, but I didn't go to him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're living with a lot of guilt over you know what, what I could have done or what I should have done. Has there been anyone because people don't understand and they can be insensitive at times that asked you the question of well, why didn't you do something to help your son, or why was your son homeless? Has anybody asked you that question where you felt you had to defend your actions because they don't understand?
Speaker 2:I have kind of braced myself for that question because I kind of thought, you know, when I was talking about it one day I said you know, my son was homeless. When I say it out loud I'm like thinking, you know people must be thinking you know, why didn't you? You know why didn't you? I don't know why I didn't go there. You know it's a 15 hour drive. I make those. I make those probably every other month.
Speaker 2:My daughter and I had talked about going about three or four months ago because we couldn't find him. Normally, michael and I kept pretty good text messaging. I hadn't heard from him in a week. So I did the normal. Kayla checked all the hospitals, I checked the jails. I called all my friends. Can you go check and see? Can you go check? I have one friend that lives not far from where the encampment was and my friend went over and talked to him and Michael texts me that next day.
Speaker 2:You know I just been busy. You know I've been working at this temp agency. I'm sorry, you know time got away from me. His phone was stolen, his phone was broken. I sent him money for a new phone One day. One time I had just switched out my phone and I had an unlocked phone and so I literally mailed it to my friend who drove it over to him and I put service on it for the first month.
Speaker 2:You know, I found all the homeless places, the shelters, the churches, everywhere in his vicinity that offered food and assistance of any kind. He got a new ID card because his wallet was stolen, because it was one of the things that you know they do have programs out there. They do. It's still, even though they have all these programs to, you know, get you some food and help you get an ID and help you get a phone or help you get things. Where's the program that helps you, you know, get into an apartment? I mean, I'm sure they're out there. There's gotta be. I don't know. I didn't find them. I found a lot of other programs for him. I was consistently trying to help him but he wouldn't come here. He didn't want to leave where he was at and he didn't want to leave that girl. She would be homeless, you know. She would have nowhere to go. Where is she now that my son's gone?
Speaker 1:Right. You know, within this conversation, you identified a need. What I will say that I've noticed is that there appears to be more facilities that help women and kids Absolutely, absolutely Then, that help men. I know you carry around a lot of this guilt, but you forget that giving him money, but look at all of the resources that you worked hard and researched to provide him.
Speaker 2:I tried, that's. You know. I can't say that I I don't know what my best is. Maybe I could have done better. I did try. I did try. He was. He's my baby. I'm hoping that one of my next books talks about him and how he shined in this world and how much joy he gave me.
Speaker 1:Joy, anger and anguish that's kids you know that could be the title of the book.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, or the subtitle, the title could be my son was murdered, I don't know. I haven't really started. I've got a few lines written down in retrospect to that. But you know, I'm trying really hard to just get through every day and when I wake up and I'm feeling good, you know, then I try to write. I'm also in school right now For my journalism degree, and so I'm trying to stay focused on positive things. It's not always easy, so I feel like if I start to write that book now, so soon after, it might spiral. I might spiral. I don't know, you know right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a matter if that writing and journaling is going to be helpful or triggering. Yeah, exactly yeah, and are you willing to test that to see where you're going to end up? I completely get that, I understand. One last question I know it's under investigation so we can't say a whole lot, but it's been almost three months. Have you been provided any information that Gives you solace? That's like getting you closer to the piece of the puzzle as to why this happened. Who did it?
Speaker 2:Nope, Nope, they said All of the interviews have been done, they're waiting on lab reports, but they can't discuss it with me. Actually they're only talking to my husband because I just, I just want to fly into a crazy rage every time I talk to him. Somebody knows, because my friend went down and talked to a few of the Homeless people because he used to take him food all the time and it was where Michael was in his encampment and stuff and he to do. Two or three days after he told me exactly how my son died and I said, okay, you know, it came from a homeless person that was possibly on drugs. I'm just gonna wait for the report and when I received his death certificate, the manner of death, you know. I mean I don't have like all the stories, but so somebody knows, they know how it happened, they know who did it.
Speaker 2:I don't think that They'll turn on each other. They might steal from each other, hurt each other. You know they're not gonna turn each other in and you know my, my daughter, went back and forth. You know that's a horrible life and the person that did it's probably living a horrible life. I would not only want justice for my son, but I also want no one else's parents have to go through this, this horrible monster that's able to just take a life without Thinking about any repercussions or or caring about how the the trail of people that are left behind crying, sometimes in the dark, alone, crying. They don't care about that person, those people. So here, how is it any even possible to take a life in such a Brutal way and just walk away and live your life? I Can never understand that kind of human. I just can't. And they said they had a suspect but no probable cause. You know, I know that there's somebody out there that saw it, was there, that knew how it happened, but they're just not gonna come forward because they're cowards right.
Speaker 1:They're too afraid of what will happen to them.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I get that. I do. But you know what, if I saw something terrible happen, I want hundred percent would stand up for that person, because you're not just standing up for one person, you're standing up for all the people that that person matters to and all the people in the future that might have to go through this again. How many people will this person hurt or kill Before they put him away? How many other families are gonna have to sit and cry? How many other families are gonna lose a loved one? Who does it matter to? It matters to the people sitting on the side going why? I just want to know why.
Speaker 1:That's a powerful question and the powerful statement is my son matters Absolutely 100%. Thank you for sharing all of this with me and with the audience. No well, thank you. I want to talk about your books nine books out.
Speaker 2:I have this great adventure series about a girl who Follows her mom's path, where mom found her, and she gets into all kinds of mischief. There's a bit of magic and the Christmas book is out in that series. So I I also have a murder mystery and I have a book about my husband and I moving on to a sailboat, which is a true story. It's a short story but it's a lot of fun, and I have a couple of journals out and a cookbook. My 10th book will be out well, hopefully this winter. But to be honest, the last two months I haven't done anything. I I Just done my homework and just haven't really worked on my books because I just been emotionally shattered. So you know it's Been horrible circumstances that got us to meet, but I'm really grateful for that opportunity.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Me too, I wouldn't change it, and I think we meet people who were supposed to meet at the time that we're supposed to meet, and you and I are both doing something to make a difference. You're just beginning your journey and going through the grieving process, and I encourage you to just allow that to happen absolutely Well.
Speaker 2:I write in my journal every day and that that's why I created the journals I did there. They're just. They have like 50 topics in them for you to write about, because a lot of people don't realize how Comforting it is sometimes to just put your, your voice down, and yet they'll open the thing. They'll be like oh, I've got a blank page, I don't know what to write about. So I did these two journals. One of them is a rant journal, so you can just complain away, and one of them is that positive energy journal and it gives you 50 different ideas to write about yourself. So you're not just staring at a blank page and by the time you finish one of these journals, you're you're ready to actually take on that blank page. I I do journal every day and I do think it helps and and your books and your journals.
Speaker 1:Where can we find those?
Speaker 2:You can find all of my books on Amazon and you can also go to alexisanniquecom. My last name is A-N-I-C-Q-U-E, so alexisanniquecom and you can look up finding famous on Amazon. There's quite a few of them out there. You know I have, like I said, nine books and if you just look up any of the famous books, the famous adventure series, I just put the three book series on a Kindle Unlimited or you can buy them for 99 cents for the three book series. So you can read three, the first three books. The fourth one just came out August 9th. So I didn't include that and I hadn't included it when I brought that out.
Speaker 1:Awesome, and I will put those Links in the show notes as well so that the listeners can easily find those. And thank you so much. Yeah, you're so welcome. Do you have any final thoughts?
Speaker 2:Love your kids, just love your kids. You know, and the next time you see somebody homeless, you know I know you want to assess skepticism but you know, maybe say hey, you know I'm hoping that things get better for you, because you know what Most of the time it doesn't. The statistics are not great.
Speaker 1:You're right. I Thank you so much for sharing that message with us and thank you for being my guest on the I Need Blue podcast.
Speaker 2:Having me here's just so wonderful. I'm so appreciative.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I'm a friend and a resource. So if I can do anything for you, please reach out. You have my number. Thank you so much. You're welcome and thank you for listening. This is Jennifer Lee with the I Need Blue podcast. You can find anything and everything about I Need Blue on my website, wwwinadbluenet. And remember you are stronger than you think. Until next time you you.