Episode 1 Jen's story - When Fear Strikes: Inside the Chilling Moments of an Armed Robbery

A sudden voice shattered the lively atmosphere in a busy women's clothing store, demanding money. My heart dropped as I faced a masked stranger with a gun. In an instant, my role as store manager shifted to protector. As we handed over cash and phones, the weight of responsibility for my customers' safety hit me hard. We were forced into a back room, unaware that this was just the beginning...

Healing from trauma is a difficult journey, but it reveals an unexpected strength. Join me as I share the relief of police intervention, the struggle to find normalcy, and the intense challenge of facing the assailant in court. The unwavering support of loved ones and therapy proved crucial to my recovery, and this story is a tribute to resilience.

This podcast is dedicated to trauma survivors and to first responders who bravely serve to protect us. Thank you for your courage.

Connect with Jen:
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/ineedbluepodcast/
YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCp1q8SfA_hEXRJ4EaizlW8Q
Facebook:  
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61567221068683
Website:
https://ineedblue.net/
Apple Podcasts:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-need-blue/id1567450935

Loved this episode? Leave a review and rating on Spotify or Apple Podcasts.

Purchase my book or Audiobook: Why I Survived:  How Sharing My Story Helped Me Heal from Dating Abuse, Armed Robbery, Abduction, and Other Forms of Trauma by Jennifer Lee
https://whyisurvived.com/

The background music is written, performed and produced exclusively by purple-planet.com.
https://www.purple-planet.com/
 

Chapters

• 2:00 Robbery at work
• 9:45 Taking charge in a crisis
• 13:00 Seeking help and Finding Safety

Transcript

My story begins nearly a decade ago in a world that felt safe—until it didn’t. Just two months before the robbery, twelve stores had been hit under eerily similar circumstances. I worked at a women’s clothing store, part of a chain that had already been targeted. During those robberies, the robber didn’t carry a gun, just a demand for cash before disappearing into the shadows.

After that, security was increased in our stores, a silent promise to keep watch over us. The robberies stopped a month and a half later, and the security presence was pulled. But as I stood there, unaware of the storm about to hit, I felt strangely safe. My district manager asked if I felt safe four days before it happened. I told her yes. After all, the robberies had been miles away, and our store seemed an unlikely target. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Days earlier, we had a conference call, which served as a survival guide for a situation none of us thought we'd ever face. We were instructed to “Use slow movements, say as little as possible, and give them what they want. “These instructions sounded like common sense, but they were also safety tips I would never use. 

Then, that Saturday at 7 p.m., everything changed. The store, located in a busy shopping center, was bustling, as any Saturday night would be—there were crowds everywhere, a movie theater nearby, a handful of anchor stores, and the hum of life in the air. It was just me, my manager, and a sales associate, with about nine customers scattered throughout the store.

I was helping a group of ladies, one of whom had her two small children present, in the fitting room when I heard, "Give me all your money." I thought I’d misheard, but then, again, "Give me all your money."

I turned to see a man in a black mask with a gun in his hand, aimed straight at me. I glanced at his eyes, at the gun, and then back to his eyes. Time seemed to freeze. He was here for me, for the register. And the terrifying realization hit me: he’d been watching. Had he been lurking in the store for hours, or even days, waiting for the perfect moment? 

I quickly walked to the register, hearing him waving the gun and signaling the others to follow my lead. I opened the till, trying my best to remain calm and remember the survival tips from the call. “Give them what they want; stay quiet,” I reminded myself. The customers around me were terrified and lined up at the side of the counter. I could hear the quiet sobs and prayers.

I handed him the cash, silently asking with a gesture if he wanted the loose coins. He declined, and I moved to the next register. Panic was in the air, but I had to focus. The door to the back office was in his sight. He waved the gun at me and demanded I lead everyone back there. In that moment, my survival instinct kicked in. I ushered everyone before me, knowing I had to be last.

But then, something shifted within me. I had an out-of-body experience. In that chaos, the strangers in the room—these customers—became my responsibility. I felt a deep need to protect them. These weren’t just people anymore; they were my family, and I had to keep them safe.

He stopped me again. "Where’s your safe?"

“We don’t have one,” I answered, praying he believed me. The situation was escalating. He wanted more than cash now. He led us to the back room, where we lined up before my desk. He demanded I pull the landline out of the wall. Then he asked for our phones. And when it was my turn, I knew the risk. My phone, hidden in my pocket, would betray me if I didn’t give it to him. I handed it over, just like everyone else.

There was a separate room back there for storage. I saw him looking at the entrance and knew he would make us go there next. And he did. Again, I ushered everyone to go first. 

Once we were in the storage room, the weight of the situation sank in. The walls seemed to close in as I heard more crying and prayers. We were lined up against the back wall. I could feel a box of hangers behind me. I sat slightly on it, allowing it to support part of my weight. 

The robber pointed the gun at us and said, “Don’t say anything, and no one will get hurt.” He then asked me, “Does the door lock?” We had never closed the door, so I didn’t know the answer. I replied, “I don’t know; we never closed the door.” Frustrated, he aimed the gun at us again. “Don’t say anything, and no one will get hurt.” Then he left the room and closed the door behind him. I remember the sound of wood scraping as the door met the frame. 

As I surveyed the scene, a woman in the fitting room began to panic, her breath shallow, her body trembling. I rushed to her, and with my hands pinning her arms to the wall, I tried to support her. “Stay with me, baby,” I said, looking straight into her beautiful eyes. I was attempting to steady her, but I needed help. I called someone over to assist me in getting her to the ground. 

If you see someone having a panic attack, it feels like they can't catch their breath, and it's a terrifying moment. It's a helpless feeling. You must understand that I know how to put on a band-aid, and that's the extent of my medical experience. I didn't watch ER or Grey's Anatomy; those shows weren’t my type. 

She was getting worse, and I had no idea how to handle the situation. As I watched her, feeling helpless, I swallowed my fear and panic. I couldn’t, nor would I let anything happen to this lady. 

Thank goodness my sales associate still had her phone. I asked her to call 911. At the same time, I heard the front doorbell ring. I feared the robber had returned, and I needed to stay calm. I couldn’t let anyone else bear the weight of this fear. After alerting 911, I ordered my sales associate to turn off her phone, hide it, and stay behind me. 

I had just finished this demand when I looked down and saw the lady transitioning from a panic attack to a seizure. The first moment my body wanted to panic was when I saw her lying there.

I asked my sales associate for her phone because I needed to call 911. I made another phone call, and as I did, I heard another doorbell ring. 

Then, the door pushed open, and I heard the unsettling sound of scraping wood. For a moment, I thought it was the robber returning. But no, it was the police. Relief flooded the room. We felt safe for the first time that night.

The aftermath was a blur. The paramedics arrived, tending to the woman's medical emergency. The police questioned us, trying to piece together what had happened. I remember an officer looking at me and saying, "You look relatively calm for everything that's going on.” I replied, "Give me a couple of hours, and I won't be okay. Right now, I need a cigarette.” 

When the police officers entered the store earlier looking for us, they were met by customers shopping inside, with no employees present. The cash registers were set up on the counter, empty. But you know us ladies; when we need a dress, we’re determined to find one. So, the police ushered the customers out, and I remember seeing the yellow tape that read "Police Line Do Not Cross" outside our doors. It reminded me of a TV show. However, this wasn’t TV; I was living it.  

I called my District Manager to provide her with the details, and I also called my parents. At that point, the adrenaline was starting to wear off, and the gravity of the situation was becoming apparent. I could feel the anxiety building up and wanted to shake a little until the police officers asked for my ID. I went to my desk to get my red wallet. It was gone!  I looked everywhere. The robber must have taken it off my desk on his way out. 

 My wallet contained my credit cards and my current address, where I live alone. The officers went outside to look for my wallet or phone, and I was hoping they would find it—no such luck.

 I remembered the location app I had downloaded on my phone. I told the officers, "You should be able to track my phone using that app.” They did, and hours later, I got a call. They caught him because they tracked him through that app.

The following day, everything felt very real. I returned to the store, wearing sunglasses to hide the puffiness from crying and not sleeping. Looking in the mirror, I didn't even recognize my eyes. I wanted to hide the emotions I felt after the whole ordeal. 

I was put on a 10-day leave, and during the first week, I spent almost every day with the police officers. I felt safe with them and didn't mind recalling all the events, even though it was difficult. I felt okay because I was safe there. I remember they came to my house with the lineup, and I recognized the robber. At that point, I also got a new phone and my credit cards. I immediately decided that someone should stay with me at my house.

My sense of safety was shattered, like little pieces of glass lying on the floor, with never recovering my personal items. Worried someone might arrive at my house, I started taking new safety measures. 

I had two cats that acted like my security guards because they didn't like strangers. So, I knew when I got home that if I opened the door and they weren't there, someone was in the house or something was wrong. I also took another precaution: I placed a small piece of paper between the door and the door frame. If I came home and found that paper on the ground, I knew someone had entered my home. I never thought I would have to consider such things, but at that point, even with someone staying there for a short while, I took as many measures as possible to feel safe. 

They caught the driver within ten days, even though I had never seen him during the event. This triggered a chain reaction that resulted in my needing to go to court, a new experience for me. I suspected that he had friends or family in that courtroom when I walked in, but I didn't anticipate it. A new fear emerged: now, people would recognize me. They could see what I drove. What if they followed me home? This was the first time I testified in front of a jury. I cried, and it was traumatic. I was grateful I didn’t have any family or friends in the courtroom; I didn’t want them to see me so vulnerable. But if I’m honest, the other side wishes I didn’t have to face this alone. 

During my 10-day leave, I started therapy. It was beneficial to talk about everything and feel comfortable sharing my fears and vulnerabilities. When my leave ended, my therapist advised against my returning to work, saying I wasn’t ready. But I don’t go halfway down a road, turn around, and spend the rest of my life wondering if I can reach the stop sign. I prepared myself as best I could for that first day back at work. I walked in and remembered standing outside the door of the room where he had placed us, with flashbulbs popping and all the triggers—the things I recalled. I couldn’t bring myself to enter that room, and I never did. We had a conference call, and my DM asked how I was.

I told her, “I don't think I'm okay.” She responded, “This is the busiest time of year for us, and if you can’t work, I need to find a replacement.”  I understood that, from her perspective, it was all about business. I struggled with that because I was a highly accomplished, well-respected manager. They recognized that I generated results. I was the credit card sign-up queen in the district and the media spokesperson. And I loved my job. Realizing that I might be unable to do that anymore made me feel weak. Along with my fears and everything else, I also felt a sense of inadequacy. 

The conference call concluded, and I needed to return to the sales floor. I pushed open the door to find my assistant manager and our security guard waiting there. The security guard reminded me of the robber. I grabbed my assistant manager’s wrist and felt tears welling up. She asked, "What’s wrong with you?” I replied, "This is what happens.” As I shake my head, feeling hopeless. The security guard apologized, saying, “I didn't mean to scare you.”

I looked at him and said, "It's not you. It's me." If that cliché had ever been true, it was in that moment. I realized I feared him. He reminded me of the robber. That fear—so deep and sudden—embarrassed me. And at that moment, I understood something crucial: I wasn’t okay. 

The truth hit me hard—I couldn’t do this job anymore. I couldn’t stay in this environment. I needed time to heal. So, I called my District Manager, explained what happened, and said, “I can’t continue in this role.” I returned to therapy and kept up with my sessions. They placed me on worker’s comp, giving me six weeks to focus on myself.

But life didn’t stop during that time. I received multiple subpoenas to attend court hearings, and the pressure mounted. I was no longer in front of a jury, yet I was still involved in legal matters. On top of everything, I needed to find a new job—the money wasn’t flowing in, and I had to support myself. I managed to secure another position in the same field, although it was farther away. A few months later, the court proceedings were winding down, and I could start fresh by moving to a new area, closer to family. 

Two years later, I received a call. They were summoning me to federal court. I remember breaking down. I told the woman on the phone, "I can't do this." But her response was firm, "I'm sorry, but you have to."

It was an hour and a half drive, and when I arrived, it hit me—it was the first time I saw all the other victims in one place. For the first time, we were all together, sharing a moment that was hard to even comprehend. At that moment, I realized I had a chance to do something important. I got to look them in the eye and say, "Thank you."Thank you for trusting me when you didn’t have to. 

Upon reflection after the robbery, my mind was eager to explore the “what ifs" of the situation. Many things could have turned out differently with a tiny adjustment to the details of the evening. You never know how someone will react in such situations, but they trusted me, and I will forever be grateful for that. As much as I didn’t want to be in court, it allowed me to express that gratitude.

We could sit in the courtroom and observe the proceedings, but I didn’t want to. The room was enormous, filled with dark wood and shadows. When it was my turn to testify in front of the jury, I walked down the aisle, my heart racing as I approached the bench where I needed to sit. The judge was to my left, with the robber in front of me—his glasses glinting in the light.

I was questioned. My character was challenged. But that line of questioning didn’t last long—it was quickly shut down. Still, I couldn’t hold back the tears. They brought me tissues, but it didn’t help. My hands shook, and the tissue was soaked through, a small ball of paper that couldn’t contain all my emotions.

That day ended, but I had to return the next day. I remember the woman who offered to reimburse us for mileage, but at that moment, all I could do was cry and tell her, "I just want you to leave me alone." It wasn’t about the money—it was the burden of everything I’d been through and having to re-live it. 

The following day, I had to take the stand once more. After testifying, the judge asked if I had any comments or questions. I asked, "Do I ever have to come back?" He replied, "No, ma'am, you don’t." And I never had to again. For that, I am truly thankful.

I’ll be honest: I wished I didn’t have to face the robber or go to court reliving the details. But I also realized something important: You’re stronger than you think. If we hadn’t caught the driver, who knows who he could have hurt next? The reality was that he had a gun and hostages; if there were a next time, things may have gone very differently.